I Hate Medicine!

Last week Ella the Med Student wrote brilliant and thoughtful advice on how to be happy in medical school: You need to love medicine.

Now Doctor D has a confession to make:

I hate medicine! Medical school was the worst 4 years of my life.

There, I said it! It felt good to let it out.

But before all of Dr. D’s medstudent fans rush to unfriend him on facebook they should know this: Doctor D not just a good doctor. He is a frickin’ amazing doctor!

How is this possible?

They look so pleased just to be in a hospital!
Doctor D isn't in any photos like this.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Medicine:

Ella classified medical students based on their love for medicine with the “miserablites” at the bottom. They are the ones in medicine with ulterior motives. Therefore they hate school from the first cut on the cadaver. They don’t fit in with other medical folks. They don’t like studying diseases or treatments. They can’t wait for medical school to be over.

Yup, that pretty much describes D in medical school!

Young D took one of those aptitude tests administered by the college career counselor. It said that his personality was an awful fit for doctoring. He was warned.

So why did he do it?

Medical School With Ulterior Motives

Doctor D’s ulterior motive for studying medicine was that pesky humanitarian impulse. D loves people. As a student young D worked in homeless shelters and volunteered in 3rd World countries—not to pad a resume for med school, but because he actually liked doing those things. Young D asked himself, “Self, what work should you choose that allows you to help suffering people?” Since D had the book smarts everybody suggested medicine.

On day one of medical school D realized he wasn’t in Kansas anymore. He was surrounded by highly driven people who absolutely loved spending 18 hours a day studying pathophysiology and pharmacokinetics. Ella enjoys kicking back with Robbins Pathology while sipping her coffee in the morning. God bless her crazy ass! Doctor D’s trudge through Robbins was about as enjoyable as the Bataan Death March.

D’s secret fantasy in medical school was that one day he’d go in and give everyone the middle finger and drop out. This thought was the only real pleasure he had for most of med school. It kept him going when times got rough. Every miserable day D told himself, “I’ll quit tomorrow.” He came close to doing this about a hundred times, but never pulled the trigger.

Doctoring with Love and Hate

So D became Doctor D, and lo and behold he was right: All this dull medical science he forced himself to learn is useful—it helps sick people get well, and D really enjoys his job!

The actual practice of medicine allows for amazing connection with other human beings. A caring doctor during the worst and most painful day of your life is really useful. Doctor D always gets along well with patients. One reason Dr. D connects so well with patients is that he never really did connect with other medical folks.

Some doctors love studying diseases and reading the latest medical trials—quite a few retired docs do this years after they’ve seen their last patient. That’s cool and all, but it ain’t me. If Doctor D lost his medical license tomorrow you can bet he wouldn’t read another sentence of medical literature again!

"Yeah, I don't like school either, but some things are worth the misery."

But Doctor D does keep up with all the info on the escalating arms race between diseases and medicine and he'll treat you with just as much skill as the next doctor. In some ways D sees himself as the purest form of doctor:

Some doctors battle illness because they are fascinated with the weapons or with the battle strategy. Doctor D fights because he believes in the cause.

So take courage you med school miserablites—you sad souls who don’t like biochemistry or fit in with your anal classmates—here is hope for you yet! You may yet become a fine MD who loves this crazy job in a way those medical types could never imagine.

PS: If any of you med students do decide to go out in a blaze of glory by telling "the man" to stick it up his rectum and burning your student ID please email Dr. D your story because he would love to live that moment vicariously!

An informal AskAnMD poll:

How many of you medical people actually like medicine vs. those who use medicine for ulterior motives like Dr. D?

How many of you patients would care if you doctor wasn’t actually fascinated with your disease and your medicines?

Will Medical School Make Me Miserable?

Part II of ongoing series: Should I Become A Doctor?

Great question from a potential medical student:

"I got accepted to med school for 2011, but I am scared to commit to this decision. Will medical school suck all life out of me, leaving me passionless, tired and with no ambitions?"

For this question Doctor D called in a consult! Doctor D recruited a real live medical student! Ella the Med Student is a brilliant blogger and a winner of the coveted Big D Award!

Ella's Advice:

Medical school is difficult. It takes tons of time. It's stressful. It is a huge commitment. It's competitive. It is also a million other wonderful things.

Everyone in medical school has essentially the same experience, the same course load, the same time schedule, etc. Yet, you will hear very different opinion from students about their medical school experience... ranging from "it was the worst time in my life" to "this is so much fun!"

The MAJOR factor that contributes to the differences in student's experiences in medical school is why they are there.

"Why am I here?"

Let me describe a pattern I have noticed among medical student. I think there are three main groups of student attitudes about medical school. I'll describe them here...

Ella’s Taxonomy of Medical Students:

The Good

The happiest students are those who are enjoying the journey. They actually love medicine, love the material they are studying, love the lifestyle of continued learning and a high-paced academic environment. Of course, many have other interests and families, but to them medical school is not an obstacle in the way of those things. Med school is an awesome part of their life.

"I'm happier than a pig in mud! Medical school is Awesome!"

Personally, I love reading my huge Robbins pathology book with a cup of coffee in the early morning. I love going to lecture and participating in clinical problem solving. I feel a rush every time I am in the hospital, I talk to my patients for too long, and my brain is always coming up with ideas for projects and research. I look forward to residency and my future career, but I am in no way miserable in school. I absolutely could NOT imagine being anything other than a physician... it took me so much work to get here that I am actually in bliss all the time. I know this sounds weird... but I know a lot of other people like this. If you ask them about medical school, they will describe it just like I have.

The (sort of) Bad

The second group of people are those that like medicine just fine, and it came to it as a reasonable choice. They worked hard in undergrad, and are all around strong academic students. To them, medicine is more of "a good field to be in" but not "the most amazing and only possible career on the planet." They could have been attorneys or engineers or business entrepreneurs or stock brokers and would have been just as happy. They do well academically, but are a bit blase about medicine... often eager to get home, eager to skip extra discussion about a disease or patient, and tend to be a bit frustrated with the rigmarole that comes with medicine. This doesn't make them less of a physician, but they do not enjoy the ride of med school as much as the first group. They are "putting up" with med school... and looking forward to getting out so they can have a family, a paycheck and a steady schedule.

The Ugly

The third group are the Miserablites. They hate medical school. They are barely hanging on by a thread academically, and they are socially and academically absent. They are caught up in the idea that that are in the wrong spot. They've realized that medicine is a lifestyle that doesn't end after medical school... and they expect that stress and academic/hospital nonsense will be a theme in their lives forever.

Some miserablites ended up in medical school because of outside influences. They felt pressured to do something "worthwhile.” Their heart wasn't in it... but they either didn't have another readily identifiable passion, or they felt their other passion didn't hold enough weight.

Other miserablites came to medical school for the money or lifestyle, and quickly figured out that those reasons are not sufficient to motivate you through the insanity of medical school. And they also figured out too late that being a doctor usually doesn't make you rich. 90% of doctors are not free of financial obligations. Student loans, malpractice insurance, etc. make the life less than glamorous.

The miserablites are those who, as you say regard medical school as "sucking all life out of me, leaving me absolutely passionless, tired and with no ambitions." I can tell you I have NEVER even one day felt this way about medical school.

Search Your Soul!

So, you have a lot of thinking to do. I would really consider what this commitment means, and how it will effect your goals. You have already identified some gut feelings about whether this career is a good match for you. I really think you owe yourself, your wallet, your future family, your happiness and your overall sanity some real hard soul-searching.

If you decide not to go into medicine, there is NO SHAME in that!

There are a million other things you can do which are just as rewarding. And if you do choose medicine as a career, choose it because it is best for you. It is indeed a wonderful life, but only if it is the life you really want.

Good luck!

What do you think? Doctor D always loves hearing your thoughts in the comments.

Patients: Would you care if your doctor enjoyed learning medicine?

Medical Students: Where do you fit in Ella's Taxonomy? Any of your Miserablites want to explain themselves?

Go on over to Ella's blog and admire how awesome she is!

The Medical Life (Friday Links)

The blogs of health workers can be a fascinating peak into the minds and motivations of those of us in medical life. I enjoy the funny or amazing true stories on blogs as much as the next guy, but what's really interesting to me are the lives of people who choose to work with sickness and suffering every day.

Judging by the number of TV shows on us it appears that the public at large is fascinated with medical students, nurses, and doctors too. Truth be told, we aren't as good looking, dramatic, or perfect as our TV counterparts. We are normal people, but personally I prefer real people over stock characters with stethoscopes.

One of my favorite nurse bloggers, Maha, used the turn of the decade to tell the fascinating and personal story of her life over the last 10 years. Her personal growth during her journey to become an ER nurse is very interesting reading. Behind the sharp wit and toughness there is a humanity and sensitivity that makes her blog one of the best out there.

I found another glimpse into the personal motivations for a medical life over at Asystole Is The Most Stable Rhythm. Besides having the coolest blog name ever AlbinoBlackBear has some great stories. Her encounter with a dying child years ago as a nurse left her wondering if healthcare was a good choice for her. The answer was yes and now she is in medical school. Asystole is a wonderful med student blog and I can't believe it took me this long to find it.

So what leads people to choose a medical life?

Ella the med student and Old Girl both followed Maha's lead and posted their own biographies of 2000 to 2010. Doctor D shall follow in the footsteps of these great bloggers and give you a brief picture of how he has transformed over the last decade:

At the dawn of 2000 young D was a college senior applying for medical school. He was a bold, iconoclastic idealist who was certain he would save the world. Young D wore a long beard with long hair and was certain that human suffering was a puzzle that could be fixed if people just cared enough to help others. He figured that medicine was the highest and purest calling a person could choose for their life.

Then came reality: years of medical school, followed by years of residency, followed by the ultimate goal—being a "real doctor."

After a decade of ceaseless work I no longer think I am going to save the world. I have saved a few lives, but it was by doing my job not through any heroism. Jesus may save the world, but doctors and nurses certainly won't. We simply do our jobs day in and day out.

In the end, the medical life is a life like any other. It isn't always fun or sexy. We are not so brilliant or so heroic. We are humans who take care of humans, so our work is fraught all those troublesome human complications. Some days we love our vocation and some days we want to quit, but we do our best because we care about our patients.

In 2010 Doctor D is more tired and less idealistic. These days D is more more proud to be Ms. D's husband and Little D's dad than he is about that MD he spent so many years dreaming about.

What do you think? Did you imagine doctor's lives to be more heroic and dramatic? Do you work in healthcare and have a story about your own medical life to share? Doctor D always enjoys the perspectives and stories you tell in the comments.

The Year In Review (Friday Links)

Doctor D will take this first day of 2010 to reflect on this last year...

In May of 2009 a young physician decided to name his alter ego "Doctor D" and become a medblogger.

He hadn't even read medbloggers before, but he really wanted to frankly discuss health and medicine so he opened a blog and put up some random post asking people to send in questions to some anonymous MD who was willing to spill the beans.

Doctor D just ignored the blog for 3 months, expecting a readerless blog to magically generate interesting questions his email box.

In August Doctor D finally decided he really wanted to do this, so he started posting answers to random questions that popped into his head.

Thankfully, a blogger named Magda stumbled across Ask An MD and asked the first question: about finding a new doctor. D was so thrilled he answered it in a 4-part series.

Since then the questions have been rolling in!

Along the way Doctor D has met some really amazing people on the web. The first person to show D the medblogging ropes was WarmSocks. She blogs about her experience as a patient and she explained to Doctor D how to make a blog like this helpful to people navagating the healthcare system. Later D met other cool patient-bloggers like Neo-Conduit, Queen, Wren, Helen, who really are must-reads for medical folk who want to understand the suffering and strength of a lot of the patients we care for every day.

Doctor D also wants to thank the inspiring patients he has met over email. Many readers don't have blogs, but have shared their experiences with him. D wishes the whole world could hear your stories.

Nurse K was the first and still the awesomest medical-worker blogger to welcome Doctor D to the net! Even though her ER blog is now on hiatus K has always been D's webcrush and he still reads her twitter religiously. Ask An MD has also been visited by such great medical bloggers as Nurse Maha, Nurse Lee, Doctor Rob, Ell the med student, and the hilarious Dr. Grumpy.

So Doctor D has met some very cool people, answered a lot of questions, and had a lot of fun. Ask An MD is getting hundreds of visitors each day and it's really only a few months old. Keep those questions coming!

Thank you all for a great 2009!

So what do you think? What have you liked and disliked about the blog this year? What direction do you think Doctor D should take the blog in 2010? What sorts of questions do you think Doctor D should be selecting from the mail bag in 2010?

The Curse of Doctor D (Friday Dead Links)

Be afraid! Doctor D is the kiss of death for really great medical blogs!

Just when Doctor D says to himself, "This is my favorite blog on the whole frickin' internet!" the blog suddenly disappears. Not just stops updating, but disappears completely into password protected oblivion!

First came Crass Pollination by Nurse K. Doctor D laughed so hard reading those wild tales from Nurse K's ER! It closed just a few weeks after Doctor D found it. Coincidence?

Then just this week Doctor D was reading Journey to MD and said to himself, "I really enjoy Ella's witty commentary and stories from medical school. I think this is my favorite medblog of all!" And suddenly it's gone... without even a "Hiatus" post!

This is some dangerous stuff! I am desperately trying not to love Dr. Grumpy lest I inadvertently destroy his blog as well. But in case I don't succeed, you should read the post about drunk doctors, the story of Mr. Jackass, and the time Happy Hospitalist got schooled by Grumpy right now!

Doctor D's new found blog-killing power really should be harnessed and used for good! Feel free to let Doctor D know in your comments which medblogs should be spared and which should be destroyed.

Ella and Nurse K if you are out there, please come back! I promise not to annihilate your blogs again.

*UPDATE: So just a few hours after I posted this Ella's Blog reappeared! WTF? Was she just messing with Doctor D to see if he missed her? Welcome back Ella! Now we just need to figure out how to do the same for Nurse K!