The Greatest Medical Myth

A reader asked her specialist a question that befuddled him, so she wrote Doctor D this question:

How is a doctor allowed to mess around with body parts he doesn't understand?

If doctors were required to understand everything we touched we wouldn’t be able to touch you at all!

The human body is still a deep mystery. Doctors understand more than most people, but what we know is still a vague approximation. Just because our educated guesses often work out well doesn’t mean we have any idea what’s actually going on.

The Myth of Physician Omniscience:

It is a popular myth that doctors know exactly what your body is doing. The myth assumes the human body is a machine that is even understandable in the first place. Doctors learn a ton of stuff in medical school so they must understand everything the body does or can do, right? TV medical dramas have reenforced this myth without you even realizing it. If you fart or have a rash a doctor should be able to explain exactly why your body is doing that.

"Nope, nothing about your body could ever surprise me!"

I hate to kill your Santa Claus, but MD’s don’t understand with any real depth what is going on in your body most of the time.

We are still be useful, but we don’t always know what’s going on behind the scenes anymore than you need to understand the internal combustion in order to press the gas pedal. Human bodies are exponentially more complex and varied than engines so when what we do doesn’t work, we can be at a loss to know why, although we can often make up some bullshit that sounds convincing.

Mythbusting

Doctor D has tried to disabuse people of this impossible myth, but nobody’s listening.

Patients either don’t believe me, “How nice of you to be so humble, doc, but I know you know what’s going on,” or they assume the lack of knowledge is some default in my training, “Okay Dr. D if you’re incompetent then refer me to someone who does understand!”

People just refuse to believe that there could be things that no doctor understands. The body is just too complex! Every human body is different and is constantly interacting with your mind, soul, other humans, and the environment. Not only is there a lot we don’t know. There is a lot that will always be impossible to know.

So, why is the myth of Physician Omniscience so deeply ingrained? When a wrong idea won’t budge it’s usually because it satisfies a deep psychological need.

No Thanks, We Prefer Myth To Reality!

Being ill is terrifying. When your body begins to betray you it is natural to want to know why. Patients need to believe that somewhere out there is a doctor who understands this. In their imagination patients replace doctors’ vague, tentative understanding with a mythic understanding that is complete and without doubt. “It’s okay that I feel out of control, because my doctor is on top of it!” This is why mystery illnesses are so unsettling. It feels like like being in speeding car with no one at the wheel.

"Don't worry! Doctor Zeus has this under control."

Doctors are also responsible for this myth. We perpetrate this falsehood for 2 reasons:

• First, we want you to trust us. It takes a lot of trust for you to ingest the chemicals we give you or let us cut you open. We fear that if you knew how little we understand the bodies we work on you wouldn’t let us near you.

• Secondly, we lie to ourselves. Medicine works. This is a good thing, but it allows us to mislead ourselves about how deeply we actually understand what’s going on. It also takes a lot of self-confidence to take on the care an ill person. Imagining we have god-like knowledge of the body helps us banish self-doubt. Unfortunately, banishing self-doubt is a double-edged sword: It can give us the confidence we need to pull of some incredible healing, and it can blind us to the humility and insight needed to acknowledge when we don’t understand.

One thing you can take as gospel: If any physician tells you they totally understand your body they are either lying or deluded.

How To Live Without The Myth

This is good and bad news for you. The good news is that having and MD doesn’t make your doctor the final authority on you. Understanding this can allow you and your doc to have frank discussions on what we do and don’t know about your body. The bad news, of course, is that full understanding of your body is impossible.

But realizing that the body is a fearful and wonderful thing isn’t such a bad discovery. Appreciate your body for the mystery it is!

Doctor D always loves to read your thoughts in the comments.


Do you think that Dr. D is over-stating the uncertainty of medical science?


Patients and Heathcare People: How has this Myth affected you?

The Doctor Will Grope You Now

Doctor D, what are your thoughts on the TSA?

Okay, so no one actually emailed me this, but it’s high time Doctor D set things straight!

Dr. D’s prescription for America:

Stop being such snively, self-important, brats!

So what gives a medical doctor any right to speak on transportation and counter-terrorism?

Doctors also do full body searches. We call them physical exams.

During these exams we touch and look at every part of the body. I stick my fingers in vaginas, rectums, and mouths. I even sometimes do these exams on children—Oh, the horror! Lock up that sick man!!!!

How do doctors get away with this disgusting violations of your rights? We feel you up under the guise of keeping you safe. The TSA learned their trick from doctors!

These exams are theoretically voluntary, but most doctors will decline to take care of you unless you submit to some sort of medical pat-down. What an outrage!

Is All Touching Dirty?

Look, we all recognize that this is a weird situation. Touching a stranger’s body is awkward for both the toucher and the touchee. It is human nature to reserve close physical contact for family, intimate friends, and lovers. But sometimes we must do things that feel unnatural.

It is my job to touch every person who seeks my help.

Sorry, but when we spend all day touching bodies we kind of get used to it. You may see your body as a unique and private expression of yourself, but we see it simply as a dull object that must be checked for signs of danger.

You may feel violated because I had to check your prostate, but it didn’t bother me one bit. Checking your rectum is no more disturbing to me than checking your ear.

Of course, we try to be sensitive. Doctor D has had to do some invasive exams on little kids and sexual assault victims. We should take our patients’ feelings into account, but not not doing our job at all isn’t sensitivity—it’s incompetence.

Here's The Naughty Part (Stop here if skimming!)

What everybody's getting really worked up about is genitals! You only let people touch those in the most intimate of moments, except of course at the doctor’s office or the airport. Then you get a stranger poking around some sensitive spots.Doctor D will go ahead and answer your question now:

No. We are not thinking about sex, and if you are that’s your problem—not ours.

We aren’t eunuchs or anything like that—we are just focused on the job. Doctor D is a red-blooded heterosexual man who loves women as much as the next guy, but D can honestly say he has never once felt anything amorous about a patient during an exam. You could be a supermodel or an 80 year old grandmother and Doctor D feels exactly the same about touching you during an exam. Doctors learn quickly to see the bodies we work on as tasks to be completed rather conduits of passion.

Sure there is the occasional true sicko, but these people so rare that you chances of having one of them examine you is pretty minuscule. Doctor D has known quite a few doctors who were walking hormones and hit on everything of the opposite sex they ever met, and still these docs were nothing but professional and trustworthy when doing physical exams. A professional touching of the private parts is about as unromantic a situation as possible.

The attracting effect of the human body has no power over me when I wear the white coat! "Sorry, but I just don’t feel that way about you. It’s not you—it’s me"

Can We Handle This Like Grown-Ups?

I feel for the TSA agents. They are getting harassed for just doing their job. Physical exams suck. I’m sure pat-downs do too. But if they are necessary in order to ensure your safety and they are required to fly, then you should either grin and bare it or plan a long road trip.

This TSA fiasco irritates Doctor D to no end! It’s not that people dislike body searches. That is understandable. It’s the attitude of enraged entitlement that irks Doctor D. Everybody demands everything be done perfectly, safely, and cheaply and with no inconvenience to them whatsoever:

“I feel bad! I demand your full attention. Don’t make me wait; don’t poke at me; and don’t you dare tell me the treatment has risks or side effects! I have a constitutional right to everything I want right now and without any bother!”

And we wonder why the rest of the world thinks we are spoiled assholes?

Doctor D will be flying over the Christmas holidays, and when it’s time for his pat-down he will thank the beleaguered TSA agents for keeping us safe.

Your thoughts?

Any of you out there who's had a TSA pat-down that thinks it is worse than a pelvic exam?

Do you think patients should get treatments they want while “opting out” of the physical exam?

While Doctor D always loves to hear your thoughts, if your comments are too whiny or bratty Dr. D will hunt you down and administer a punitive rectal exam!