Last week Ella the Med Student wrote brilliant and thoughtful advice on how to be happy in medical school: You need to love medicine.
Now Doctor D has a confession to make:
I hate medicine! Medical school was the worst 4 years of my life.
But before all of Dr. D’s medstudent fans rush to unfriend him on facebook they should know this: Doctor D not just a good doctor. He is a frickin’ amazing doctor!
How is this possible?
They look so pleased just to be in a hospital!
Doctor D isn't in any photos like this.
Ella classified medical students based on their love for medicine with the “miserablites” at the bottom. They are the ones in medicine with ulterior motives. Therefore they hate school from the first cut on the cadaver. They don’t fit in with other medical folks. They don’t like studying diseases or treatments. They can’t wait for medical school to be over.
They look so pleased just to be in a hospital!Doctor D isn't in any photos like this.
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Medicine:
Yup, that pretty much describes D in medical school!
Young D took one of those aptitude tests administered by the college career counselor. It said that his personality was an awful fit for doctoring. He was warned.
So why did he do it?
Doctor D’s ulterior motive for studying medicine was that pesky humanitarian impulse. D loves people. As a student young D worked in homeless shelters and volunteered in 3rd World countries—not to pad a resume for med school, but because he actually liked doing those things. Young D asked himself, “Self, what work should you choose that allows you to help suffering people?” Since D had the book smarts everybody suggested medicine.Medical School With Ulterior Motives
On day one of medical school D realized he wasn’t in Kansas anymore. He was surrounded by highly driven people who absolutely loved spending 18 hours a day studying pathophysiology and pharmacokinetics. Ella enjoys kicking back with Robbins Pathology while sipping her coffee in the morning. God bless her crazy ass! Doctor D’s trudge through Robbins was about as enjoyable as the Bataan Death March.
D’s secret fantasy in medical school was that one day he’d go in and give everyone the middle finger and drop out. This thought was the only real pleasure he had for most of med school. It kept him going when times got rough. Every miserable day D told himself, “I’ll quit tomorrow.” He came close to doing this about a hundred times, but never pulled the trigger.Doctoring with Love and Hate
So D became Doctor D, and lo and behold he was right: All this dull medical science he forced himself to learn is useful—it helps sick people get well, and D really enjoys his job!The actual practice of medicine allows for amazing connection with other human beings. A caring doctor during the worst and most painful day of your life is really useful. Doctor D always gets along well with patients. One reason Dr. D connects so well with patients is that he never really did connect with other medical folks.
Some doctors love studying diseases and reading the latest medical trials—quite a few retired docs do this years after they’ve seen their last patient. That’s cool and all, but it ain’t me. If Doctor D lost his medical license tomorrow you can bet he wouldn’t read another sentence of medical literature again!
"Yeah, I don't like school either, but some things are worth the misery."But Doctor D does keep up with all the info on the escalating arms race between diseases and medicine and he'll treat you with just as much skill as the next doctor. In some ways D sees himself as the purest form of doctor:
Some doctors battle illness because they are fascinated with the weapons or with the battle strategy. Doctor D fights because he believes in the cause.So take courage you med school miserablites—you sad souls who don’t like biochemistry or fit in with your anal classmates—here is hope for you yet! You may yet become a fine MD who loves this crazy job in a way those medical types could never imagine.
PS: If any of you med students do decide to go out in a blaze of glory by telling "the man" to stick it up his rectum and burning your student ID please email Dr. D your story because he would love to live that moment vicariously!
An informal AskAnMD poll:
How many of you medical people actually like medicine vs. those who use medicine for ulterior motives like Dr. D?
How many of you patients would care if you doctor wasn’t actually fascinated with your disease and your medicines?
How many of you medical people actually like medicine vs. those who use medicine for ulterior motives like Dr. D?
How many of you patients would care if you doctor wasn’t actually fascinated with your disease and your medicines?
51 comments:
Wow. I have NEVER heard anyone say this before. Incredible. And yes, even according to classmates I'm crazy. Very few of us have Papa Robbins. Most everybody wusses out at Mama Robbins. Lol.
In my med school class there was a guy who dropped out after the first semester. He snapped, threw all his books out the window (through the glass), walked out to his car, and drove home (800 miles away). We never saw him again.
This is an awesome post. I wish I'd written it.
There was a guy in my med school who decided to go out in a blaze of glory and took a bunch of friends all to smoke weed and have a huge party on the roof of the school, mid day.
I guess I just can't imagine doing something I despise for four years. When I get the itch to quit a job I last about one week tops.
Imma pre-med and *I* love Robbins too! Helped me through that biochem paper I wrote on ALS... love it!
Now... if I could only get my tuition money squared away, I'd keep marching on the path to med school where upon, I'd grin, ear to ear!
That has been my med school experience in a nut shell. I love learning how to help people and connect with them in meaningful ways, but find studying at times excruciatingly painful. Pathophys is only as interesting as it allows me to help the person in front of me.
Dr. D it is refreshing to hear of a successful physician with similar tendencies and passions! Thank you for your insightful blog and I wish you all the best.
I'm a premed...one of those medicine lover types, too. However, I also connect well with patients and that is a huge motivator for me as well (my daughter has some semi-complex medical issues which is what introduced me to medicine in the first place, so I do empathize with patients and their families). From what I've heard from other physicians, I think both factors are important motivations to get you through the difficulties of training.
I have a love hate relationship with med school. I remember going through parts of it were pure torture -- just constant stress, not enough sleep, and seemingly limitless amounts of material to learn. BUt when I finished each block, I felt this great sense of relief. LIke, "Phew, glad I did that, but sure glad it's over too!"
I don't feel that way about research. I love research. The whole process. (Well not the part where I beat my head against the wall... but most of it anyway.) I went to med school to be a researcher, and discovered I like talking to patients along the way. And I can't stand most doctors. Glad I'm not the only person who feels that way. :-)
I'm still a pre-med, but I too fall into the "reading Robbins Pathology for fun" group. (I don't have a Robbins, but i have a couple of other texts) I've kind of thought of it as a problem though, something that has to be toned down.
@Ella, I'm so glad to hear you say that. I've never been very good at sticking around a something I hate either. worries me.
Doctor D, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!!! This post simply humanizes the entire profession. I must say, I'm only a MSI, and I've been trudging through school. I haven't yet found anything explosively intriguing yet (although I did get to see surgery which was pretty cool). At least material wise. The subjects we learn ARE interesting, and I really wish that I had the enthusiasm as some of the other students. But I just can't seem to find it. Anywhere. Maybe it's because I'm one of the younger students in class and I can't appreciate where I am now. Or maybe it's the fact that so many people (older, wiser, etc... ) just seem to only need to review many subjects (they've taken 1st year courses before, while I didn't come from the most 'traditional' major). I'm not sure.
But again, thank you.
Dr. D I just wrote a post about this! Thank God I'm not the only Robbins-hating, patient-loving Med Freak out there! I'm so glad to hear one of us has made it. Thanks Dr. D. You have no idea...
:) this has given me a tiny bit of hope... I'm in my second year of med school and I dread waking up every morning because that means I have another stack of packets to study. But I can't imagine doing anything else with my life so, drat it all, looks like I'll have to tough it out a few more years.
I think the situation in the US is exactly the opposite of that in the Netherlands. I'm the only one so far that really LOVES Robbins. Most people think that pathology etc. is boooring and I've never heard anyone who liked farmacology.
I was inspired to write a blogpost on it, perhaps you're interested in what it's like over here.
This makes me feel so much better as a second yr with that exact "pesky humanitarian impulse disease"
hi,this is such a wonderful post...now i kno im not the only one who hates medical school and students.but i love my patients...jus lke dr D!!!
Okay, Dr D, you hated medical school but pushed through and love the patient contact and meaningful doctoring that you are now able to practise... but how are you coping with the postgraduate training crap? I also struggled through hating study, but have loved the actual work as a doctor. I deeply hate the politics, the long hours, the lack of 'normal' lifestyle and that my job is dictating when I should be starting a family, but haven't quit because at the end of the day I really do love the clinical work. I'm really struggling to keep studying year after fricking year when all I really want to do is just be a doctor.
It's not like just making it through medical school is the hardest bit. I thought it would get easier, but believe me 5 years out and its not easier yet - and is only going to get worse before it gets better.
Thank you so much for being honest. I am currently studying for the USMLE in preparation for my 3rd year rotations. It's a perfect ending for the 2 worst years of my life. My first 2 years of med school were one long depressing slog through never-good-enough. Every day I considered quitting, and probably would have if I wasn't already in massive debt. I feel like med school is a bait-and-switch that fools smart, caring people into becoming robots. And I go to one of those touchy-feely, humane primary care schools. Everyone here pretends they absolutely love it so it's really encouraging to hear from a successful doctor that not everyone enjoys memorizing every goddamn step of the Krebs cycle or the complement pathway. I'm sticking around because the only remotely enjoyable experiences I've had so far have been with patients... so hopefully things will get better once I get on the wards.
So I am not the only one!! What a great article, makes a perfect sense!
I'll print this and use as an inspiration to remember that there are people who see med school as a road to the cause of helping those who suffer and not a place where people study how to be become even better in their self-efficient-oh-my-mum's-so-proud-of-me-and-I-am-blessing-everyone-with-my-mere-existance mode.
Anonymous June 22:
Are you still in residency 5 years out of med school? I suppose that is one of the main reasons I chose Family Medicine which is a short and relatively benign residency. I already realized my love-hate relationship with medical education wouldn't tolerate a long residency. (It is also a more person-centric specialty.)
If you are out of residency then you have the power over your own career. You may feel otherwise because of pressure from your colleagues or employers. It is hard to say "no" to more work and more patients when everyone expects you to say yes. I work with a doc that does 100 hours a week. He's a good doc, but if I worked that much I wouldn't. I refuse to try to be him.
You cannot be a good doctor to your patients when you are burnt out.
Thanks for this post! I'm just starting my 2nd year of med school, wondering why I put myself through this misery. I google'd "med school makes me miserable" as procrastination and found this. Its nice to know that there are other people who feel the way I do about med school, and that even though I hate medicine I might actually enjoy being a doctor. It would be nice to actually help people. For now...back to memorizing drugs.
Hey guys,
I am studying for Step 1 right now. I went to an overseas medical school. I was a disgustingly smart overachiever in high school and screwed up in university. I had no clue in hell what else I wanted to do, so I went to med school. I mean yeah I like arts - English and HIstory - but what the hell would I do with those degrees? I am lost. I still love to learn some stuff in medicine though, but sometimes I wanna dance around a bonfire which contains my step 1 books. Anyways, I just wanted to rant on here. I sometimes wonder why I didn't have the balls to do something else before med school. But then again, maybe everyone is a huge phony - how can it be that EVERYONE knows exactly what they want in life - I'm sure a lot of doctors kind of just got here by default too. Sometimes I think about money, and I think is it worth it to have no life and study this hard and jump through a million hoops for that amount of money? THe fact I am even thinking about money probably means I lack "passion" for medicine - but then anyone who says they would work for free is probably lying.
Since I went far away to medical school and have issues paying attention I had to spend all my energy trying to get through the classes and never got to enjoy life. I can't help thinking what my life would have been like if I went into law. IT HAUNTS ME. The thing I think that gives me the sickest feeling in my stomach about medical school is, that even if I work my ass off harder than I ever have in my life, some American douchebag doctors are STILL gonna try to look down their fat noses at me. I swear, reading forums online when you are motivated sometimes can tear you apart when you are reading about a bunch of shithead medical students and doctors in America who are pissed off at Caribbean medical students rotating in "their" hospitals.
Imagine, studying that hard - working this hard, FINISHING medical school, and at the end of it some assholes (who you scored higher than) are judging you. People who are supposed to be your peers. I don't know but seriously in med school I think I have met some of the biggest narcissistic JERKS, elitist assholes whose patients would probably throw up if they found out how IN-human or sub human they really are. White coats parading around acting like human Gods but they are just glorified robots with no lives ...OVERWORKED. I am dreading what lies ahead with the residency process...UGH. Oh and why is it that medical students are so freakin retarded...they know nothing about current events or don't have a sense of humour...and they get praised for it. Ok I gotta study my rant is done...:(
I am more than midway through my first semester in my first year of medical school, and although I feel like I've worked harder than I ever have before, it seems like I'm no closer to being a doctor. I sort of ended up in medical school by default since I couldn't decide what else I wanted to do, all the while pretty sure that I didn't have the true passion for medicine. Now i'm surrounded by medical students that are so happy studying all day and learning about medicine and that really don't mind all the studying, and I realize how different we are. I enjoy the 10 minutes a week we make it to the hospital and see patients...the rest of the week is so tough and irritating and never-ending. I've been seriously thinking about dropping out for a couple of weeks now but don't really want to throw away a sure thing. If i work hard for 4 years, it will probably be worth it. But everyone says it's just the first 2 years that suck, but then they don't mention that to be a practicing physician, there's internship, then residency, then fellowship....really, the road never ends. Now I'm torn about sticking it through, or wondering if I'm going to be so sick of it in 3 or 5 years that I call it quits then, which I'll then regret not quitting sooner. Only time will tell...for now, back to studying :(
i love the article.. but do you have an advice for me?I have OCD(self-diagnosed just this year after a stressful event that happened)... im in my first year now halfway to getting promoted to 2nd year.. but i really hate studying medicine(but i genuinely do want to help people though maybe in other ways)...i just took the course because i didn't know what else to do and i did it to please my parents... everyday i'm physically and mentally tired and i feel like quitting... :(
oh yeah and my parents are both doctors too.. a general surgeon and a ob-gynecologist..
i chose medicine as it was a good carrer option but didn't realise all the cramming up that goes into it.I seriously can't mug up so many things.And i don't think that i love being wid patients either.
I can't study for too long.
I am in first year. Should i qiute?
Dr D.. Im in first year..our course is 6 years..non US university..to be honest, this place sucks..works jsut been piling up..i dont know what to do..please help!!
To the first year students asking if they should quit:
I feel your pain, but I have no answer for you. You are in the fortunate position of having options that someone several years further and deep in debt may not, but you may also be at the very beginning of a long painful road. Not all painful experiences are bad--some are worth all the pain, and some aren't.
Medical school was worth all the misery for Dr. D. I love the hands-on practice of medicine as much as I hated the up tight education. Is the end result worth it to you? Only you can answer this. Do you like working with sick people? Do you like lost of responsibility if you have the opportunity to do a lot of good? Not everyone loves clinical medicine as much as I do. If you don't know, sneak into a clinic or hospital and find out. You still have time to decide.
Dr. D, I feel exactly like you. I used to help out in homeless shelters, and i still get thrilled about serving people...and yet, medical school has been the ultimate bane of my existence. I envision myself becoming you every single day, in order to get through this. and the ONLY reason I have any faith, is because there is truly nothing that satisfies me like helping people- everyday i am convinced of my calling when I step in to see a patient, during my third year. still, being around my classmates, the academic environment, the administration, is toxic. it seems like not everyone here is for just being a good doctor.
I am currently in 3rd year surgery rotation, and I hate everyone. I hate my classmates' enthusiasm for everything except patient welfare. The amount of underhanded ass kissing that goes on all day is draining. I hate the attendings for their indifference towards my frustration with the lack of time (to read for procedures and lectures, see patients, and study for boards while still trying to sleep, shower, and shit). I hate the residents for their arrogance, and despite having been fourth years just last year, their inability or unwillingness to connect with us as human beings, let alone former medical students. I hate the hours. The night calls. And if enough time passes without sleep or food, I hate the patients too. I don't know why I did this to myself. And now it's too fucking late to quit.
As a current intern one week in, I'm ready to quit. I've heard it gets better so many times, but it doesn't ever get good enough that I think I want this. I hated medical school. I hate what I'm doing now. The only thing keeping me going is dreaming about a total career change. I've always loved working with numbers, personal finances, and been intrigued with the stock market. Thinking about finishing my intern year, quitting, and starting business school is the only thing giving me any hope.
It's too late to quit... But I'm still young. Being ten years into practice hating my life every day, I would dream about being at this point and making the change now. I guess time will tell. Finish this year, but medicine and me are strictly on a year to year basis. It's the only thought that makes me smile.
Thanks Dr D. It was like reading my own personal biography except for the having graduated or being a successful doctor thing. I loved being a paramedic and a nurse with a passion. I loved the personal contact with people, being able to put their minds at ease more often than not. Be there in the worst time of their lives and to help people cope with a transition from bad day to horrible day when there was a bad outcome. I'm about to sit my 3rd year (final exams) and still have another year of medschool to look forward to and all I can say is, I will punch the next person who asks me if I'm 'enjoying med school.' I can already see the stark contrast between clinician and med student and I hate every... single... part of the latter. But I will persist as it's not about me, it is about what I will have extra to offer that I did not as a nurse or paramedic.
3 and a half months in and I'm fed up. One round of sessionals not up yet and I wanna drop out. I'm starting to regret taking this up. I love the thought of being able to help people this way,but the stress and workload is taking a toll on me. The only thing keeping me sticking around is the fact that I may actually regret dropping out at some point if the other thing doesn't work out. That and the huge first year fee. I don't know what to do... I'm supposed to love what I'm doing... But I'm simply not... I'm just stressed out and exhausted most of the time..
I landed here because I googled "I hate my med school teachers," and that is precisely where my own frustration lies. I actually don't mind studying 15 hrs a day and (trying to) get one night stands to get me through to the next day. I think that's what Med school should be all about. I am here, however, because I hate my teachers and I don't think they should be teaching. They just don't EXPLAIN anything, we have people who basically just read powerpoints. It's a bit agonizing because I wonder why I'm paying $42k/yr for someone to read me powerpoints. I want to cry and I want to scream because I feel like my teachers make medicine 1000x harder than it needs to be. I have to google every single thing on their powerpoints to understand it, and while it takes me a while to find someone/a website competent enough to explain the material, I find myself asking why my teachers aren't able to explain things clearly when most of these things aren't really that complicated. I have a sneaking suspicion that most of my teachers were below average students who memorized their way through medical school and they expect me to do the same.
Thanks so much for writing this, and all the comments that make me feel less alone. I am third year into medical school, and like many of the other posts currently 'hate everyone and everything'! I'm 20 (undergrad course) and have been going through a hard time with some cruel year-mates lately and worrying a lot about whether this is worth it or not... Just wanted to say that I appreciate the spin/different way of looking at it that this article offers.
I hate medical school so much right now. I love the cause but I am so tired of not having a normal life. I hate it and it's only the beginning of second year. Last year was okay, but this year I just cry every day.
I'm a 4th year Med student. You're a fucking idiot... You pretty much represent the kids that everyone hates in med school. Good luck
This is the realest response anyone could ever give. If only people like that didn't make up the majority of my class...
I relate so well my self with your post! I hate this medicine course with all my strength, I hate most of the medical students, teacher, but I still do like the clinical part, the interaction with the patient, the human part... but everyday I say to my self I want to quit :( and honestly I wish I had the courage to do that.Laura
yeh quitting is scarier that sticking with it. They say it gets better after residency but im am not sure that is true. I wish medical skills were more transferable to other careers.
http://medschooltrap.wordpress.com/
I am an intern from South Africa that recently quit medicine - the best choice of my life. I am now studying biomedical engineering. There is just not enough money in the world that i will let myself be treated as a non human again- 8 times 36 hour shifts a month ( total of 180 hours of overtime in a month plus 40 a week. Having to forcefully work for the state for 4 years and being removed from your family to work in a strange place. Too many patients to handle and being left alone with them (8 seriously ill (red) children at once. Hiv and tb a constant threat. Economic disrepair and being expected to work miracles without any equipment. Nurses that do nothing.
Continued:
in the end it was just not worth it. Here in my country prisoners have more human rights than doctors ( they at least get treated for tb and fleas)
I feel like a failure for not being able to handle it and i am now left with ptsd as a result. Its difficult to start over but not impossible. At that point for me it was death or get out.
Ahh, finally someone who understands. Though, I'm still different from you. Medical school was definitely the worst 4 years of my life, but that was mainly because of medical students. Not all were bad, but most were. There is so much gossip and drama in medical school that I can't enjoy medicine. Unlike you, I do like studying. I want to learn about diseases, treatments, etc. I can talk to people who are not medical students easily. I can talk to patients about normal stuff and have decent conversations. I can talk to the guy sitting next to me on the bus stop. But medical students? No. Medical students are a body filled with complainers, irritable, gossipers. It's so ironic that even after medical school, doctors, residents, nurses, etc. all gossip still even about patients. It sickens me. It makes me never want to be a patient at a hospital.
Thank you for writing this, being if the category humanistic ulterior motives I find it very tough to find role models in this shenanigans that is medical education. I look around and most of these people are absolutely bat shit crazy. Times are extra tough as my last 6 months boards prep hasn't yielded any results and I haven't seen a patient in over 2 months. Thanks, reading this is giving me the encouragement to go on. Brian.
i left medical school after one year. i wrote about why here:
http://www.tammysu.com/part-i-leaving-medical-school/
Like you and many others on this page, I am struggling with the personality types that medicine attracts. I worked for some time prior to medical school so I understand what it is like to have a normal job, time for a relationship and having a life. Since going to medical school I have changed. I have become angry. Bitter because of the lack of respect. After four years of medical school you still get no respect as a resident. I worked over 100 hrs a week (yes, that was a violation) as an intern. Now that I am an anesthesiology resident the hours are better, but the work environment is not. I feel nauseated going to work because I hate it and my current job so much. After long days I am expected to come home and read. I just want to be able to go to the gym, eat healthy, have normal hours, and work in a positive environment. The snide remarks from certain attendings, the gossip, the bitchy nurses. I am over this shit. I truly am. I hate medicine because it changed who I am. I was once a normal, happy working professional. Now I am miserable, angry and realize that it's not worth it and truly can say that I regret going into medicine. Unfortunately I am too far in debt to stick up my middle finger and peace out.
Hi everyone!! I am so glad I found about this!! I am currently a 4th year med student. I am a year away from finishing school and then do my internship and finally graduate. However, I a having second thoughts about this! I mean i am tired of this shitty life, i hate it, I feel like i am just not doing something that I really like , I mean i like it, i just dont love it like i see other fellow classmates do. A lot of my friends are already working, have things in life, are enjoying life. And they´re the same age as me (25) I just feel like I cant leave, I think about it everyday. But I just cant, I dont even know anything else that I like, I dunno, I feel like crap really. I dont want to disappoint my family, they have been very supportive and I already have a debt because of this carreer. I dont have any motivation. And I feel like I´ve wasted the best years of my youth. I think of the future and i think positive and negative about it.
I´ve had academical struggles getting here. I´ve had to repeat some subjects, Mainly because I just wasnt doing my best. To me its not very hard I just cant seem to find any motivation. I dont know what to do. I just wish I could go back in time and never started this carreer.
I have been practicing for the past twenty years. It has only gotten worse, not better, as time has passed. With the affordable care act in the U.S. lawyers, government dolts, insurance company nurses, pharmacists, the medical board, the "patient advocate" all have more say and authority on how patients are treated and more respect than doctors. I am treated like a servant. I am making a decent living because I am productive, but I am only in it at this point to bank as much as I can and get out. I loath going to work every day. I used to be a nice person who enjoyed a large circle of friends. Now I am bitter and indifferent to most people I encounter. I can't wait to get out of medicine. I strongly discourage anyone from medicine as a career.
You know, I just have being following those comments since 2012 maybe. And I'm pretty much feeling like you all feel right now. For me, medschool was total shit. Every single day I thought of leaving medschool. Here in my country, we do our year as interns before applying to and having enter to the residency to graduate, and just right now, this last december 31th, it all ended. I felt still anxious (I kind of feel like that right now), and I'm slowly getting better after all that burnout I experienced as a medical student. But what really scares me, it's the hole idea about to having to go back to a a life with such a violent setting for me. But as you are, I'm pretty worried about money and know that have to keep going just because it seems to be the most desirable way...I'm employed right now as a research assistant (not getting that well paid like in the US) at this point,and because is not financially smart to keep on the academia world, I would probably have to go back to medschool and to wait until it gets better. I would really love to discuss my situation, if there is somebody who knows about alternatives.
Are you continue to in residency five years out of Master of Education school? I suppose that's one amongst the most reasons
I am a third year med student based at the hospital for the first time. i find diseases and the science very interesting but i hate talking to patients. You may think medicine is not for me but I don't have the money to quit/do something else... the only option left is to learn to love it! HOW DO I LEARN TO LOVE MEDICINE?
I hope things got better for you!
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